Why am I awake so late???

I had fallen behind in my LJ reading and took some time tonight to catch up. I've been sleepy for hours but I had to read...

I don't know what's wrong with me lately; my moods are so all over the place. One moment I am happy as all heck, seeing how things are falling into place & improving, how I am changing behavior patterns I developed so long ago, how all this positive thinking is really working dammit! And the next I am allowing myself to be brought down by memories of those people I've let walk out of my life, or drove out, or left...

And then I am filled to the brim with love for my girlfriend, the wonderful family we have, the life we're building... and then I get sad because there is something missing and things aren't perfect yet... And then I ask myself, what the fuck am I doing??? And I breathe deep and try and let all the negativity out, and get back to that good place... Crazy... yes... I am...

And now I am going to bed... I have had enough...