Rambling

Lisa Swifka recently posted a poem on her blog, My Life on a To Do List, and I read it and thought, "Oh. My. Gosh! She's been watching me!" LOL! Seriously though, I've been feeling exactly the same...

A lot of my online time is spent surfing around, while ideas percolate in my head, not yet fully formed, but leaving me antsy, and vaguely not satisfied. When school was in and I was working daily, there wasn't enough time to write or draw or paint, and now... I can't seem to get things done because of this fog in my head of half-formed ideas...

One of the half-formed ideas in my head is about blogging. It's been feeling like a chore, and my posts, hollow. I love doing my Mosaic Monday Bunday and TiLT posts, and all the other little things are fun too, but not every day of every week! Know what I mean? I think you do! Maybe you noticed the *BWO* button over in my sidebar? I've been striving toward that more: Blogging Without Obligation. Check it out; she makes sense!

But I still find myself avoiding writing, or giving up and delete half-written posts. And I censor myself. I hate that I do that. I am so afraid of being judged. I have to be happy & cheery and don't throw anything questionable out there. Never show anything too personal because *someone* might be reading: an ex, a neighbor, a future boss, a student...

BUT WHY? Why do I need to be liked by everyone? Do I need to worry if talk about loving my girlfriend or worshiping a different way? What if I talk about dating or being poor? These are things that make up who I am. And if I leave them out, am I really being true to myself? Am I being *Authentic* as Brené Brown would say? I think I am not.

So, why post all this? As a warning to you? That things might be changing? I might shock you with my unconventional and controversial lifestyle! Perhaps, but I wrote this more for myself. I'm sure I'll be doing the usual happy posts like Monday Bunday (<3), but don't be surprized if I start showing more of *me* here too...