Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tomorrow's Regrets

One of the things my education courses taught me is that we all have prejudices even if we are trying hard not to. I've known for a while that I was uncomfortable with people with disabilities, and I've worked hard to overcome it. I regret not figuring out it sooner, as some of my best friends have disabilities. What other friendships might I have missed out on?

One of the things my girlfriend has made me come to realize is that sometimes we aren't even aware of our prejudices. She pointed out to me that I am sexist. No, I have no problem with gay men, drag queens/kings, women doing men's work, etc... but when a boy or man does something effeminate, or chooses to do girly things, I raise my eyebrows, maybe giggle about it (not to their face! That would be rude!), and maybe even think they're secretly gay.

However, the ambiguousness of not being able to define them by my terms shouldn't matter to me. They are themselves, and choose to define themselves on THEIR terms. Not mine, not yours, not anyone else's. No ambiguity about that! I regret not figuring this out sooner too; what friendships might it have cost me?

It may take a while for me to break my old habits but it will be so nice to have to define anyone...

Thank you, John, for the reminder...

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  1. Congratulations beautiful friend! I am awarding you the BOTIBOTO Award (Beautiful On the Inside, Beautiful On the Outside). To find out why I have awarded this to you, please visit .

    I hope you will accept this Award and tell all your global sisters everywhere about it so they too can celebrate their own inner beauty too.

    You can also share this award by picking five blogs that you consider deserve this award too. Simply go to for details, and to collect your Award.

    Love love love,

  2. PS. In answer to your question, no you don't need to wait until you win before you can pass it on, but seeing your note brought me back to your blog. Love the honesty in this post - it takes courage to admit an -ism!



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